Coming down in the World
by Twilight Fang
Summary: Tony Stark is having a really miserable day and is forced to - for the first time - take public transportation to work. What he doesn't realize is that it isn't as easy as it looks. Crackfic with a tiny slash suggestion - hardly noticeable though


**I guess this is what you could kind of call a crack fic. Aside from the mildest form of slash, this is pretty much safe to read. **

**Please leave a review if you enjoy reading this! If not, Tony will grovel at your feet and apologize for wasting your time. Or not… ^_^**

Tony Stark was out of bed bright and early, freshly showered, his longer-than-average hair expertly styled with a generous dollop of hair mousse, gel and wax. Dressed in one of his finest, custom-tailored suits, newly polished leather shoes and carrying a matching designer briefcase, he casually swaggered towards the front entrance of his disgustingly rich cliff-side mansion.

"And where do you think you're going?" A sweet, yet mildly accusing voice stopped Tony with his hand on the electronic keypad that would open the double doors.

"I'm going to be arriving fashionably late for a very important meeting," Tony replied flippantly, turning to give his beautiful assistant one of his most charming smiles.

Pepper Potts stood there with her hands on her hips, regarding her boss with mild amusement. "And how do you intend to get to that meeting?"

"The same way I always do, darling. In style."

Ignoring the appraising look that Tony shot up and down her long, sheer nylon-clad legs, Pepper tolerated his smug face for a moment longer before sharing the bad news. "I guess that you didn't read the memo that I posted by your bedside. Your chauffeur smashed the limo up this morning. Oh, he's fine," she quickly continued, answering a question that Tony never would have cared to ask.

"What was he doing driving around so early in the morning? Without my permission, I might add." Tony was so not amused.

"According to the police statement, he was trying to impress his ex-girlfriend. She dumped him for a man who doesn't live with his mother and actually owns his own car."

Despite the seriousness of Pepper's statement, Tony found himself chuckling. "And how did he smash up the limo?"

"His ex goaded him into racing the six o'clock train."

That was just about enough for Tony. "I don't want or need to hear the rest. Be a dear and bring around my Ferrari. The yellow one."

Pepper rolled her eyes and gave no indication of the desire to move. "Do I need to remind you of how Captain America took it for a joyride last Friday and has yet to return it?"

"Oh. The silver Mercedes then."

"Who fell on the hood two days ago and crushed the engine?" She reminded her employer accusingly.

"Did I?" He honestly couldn't remember doing so. It happened so often.

"Yes, you did. They just don't make these cars Iron Man impact proof," she joked deadpan.

Tony glanced at his watch. "Get me whatever car isn't falling to pieces and make it quick."

"It was your idea to host that antique fundraiser and showcase every single old vehicle in your possession. They're all gone."

"Shit," Tony swore softly. "What's left? Can we call the police and get them to drive me to the office?"

"No, Tony. We absolutely cannot do that." Pepper handed Tony a piece of paper with some neatly written instructions instead. "The fastest way for you to get that meeting is to take a taxi. I know how you dislike conversing with the common folk so I've taken the liberty of writing down explicit directions on how the driver can get you from A to B with minimal pain."

"Oh, no way! I am _not_ taking a taxi. The drivers are complete maniacs! If I can't use one of my own cars, and if I can't fly to the meeting in my armor, then I'll just have to use public transportation."

Pepper made what sounded like a choking sound to cover up her humorous reaction. "You won't like it."

"What's not to like? I'll just get on, take a seat, and maybe get some work done on my laptop. If I mind my own business, I doubt that too many people will pester me for an autograph or an interview."

Did that ever come across as arrogant! Keeping any advice that she was about to give to herself, Pepper gave Tony an encouraging shove in the direction of the door. "Well then, you'd better hurry up if you don't want to be late. Wouldn't want to keep all your adoring fans waiting." As soon as Tony was past the threshold, Pepper gave him a truly evil smile. "Have fun walking the forty minutes down to the bus stop." And then, she promptly slammed the door in his face.

"I need to fire that woman before she takes over my life," Tony muttered to himself as he set of on his journey.

Although he was in excellent shape, Tony failed to enjoy the walk down the winding road that was covered in dust and the occasional road-kill. What was worse was the hot July weather. Without the comfort of air conditioning, he began to sweat uncomfortably in his full suit and tie attire.

Waiting beside the bus stop by the side of the road was even less fun. Some cheap son-of-a-blank hadn't bothered to erect a bus shelter at that particular bus stop. The sun continued to beat down on Tony as he baked, noting that the morning was quickly slipping away to be replaced by the scorching misery of the early afternoon.

Where the hell was the bus?

Tony checked the time schedule that was posted on the pole and compared it with his watch. The damn bus was already fifteen minutes late! He'd have to have a word with the driver to remind the man/woman who paid the most taxes in this city. Nobody made Tony Stark wait and got away with it unscathed.

Twenty minutes later…

"This is freakin' ridiculous!" Tony paced back and forth in front of the bus stop, holding his briefcase above his head to use as a makeshift parasol. If he showed up to a stockholder's meeting burnt from the sun, he would lose the respect of his peers, not to mention his fellow man. They might mistakenly assume that he'd taken an interest in outdoor manual labor.

Twenty-five minutes later…

Tony selected the first number in his saved list of contacts and held his cell phone to his ear. "Pepper, would you be a dear and contact whoever the hell it is who manages these shitty buses and file a complaint. I've been waiting for twenty-six minutes and forty-two seconds and there is not a bus in sight. Pepper? … hello?" Tony glared at his unresponsive cell phone before jamming it back into his pocket. "Next, I'm going to call NASA to complain about their crappy satellite coverage."

Finally, a monstrosity of a vehicle dragged itself up to Tony, expelling filthy exhaust from a misshapen tailpipe. The bus came to a sputtering stop and dropped a few centimeters as the front door opened. Brushing aside his personal feelings towards the tacky eyesore, Tony climbed up the steep steps and regarded the driver sternly. "Are you aware of the temperature outside?" He questioned the middle-aged woman who was slumped over the steering wheel in a disturbingly possessive manner, chewing gum out of the corner of her mouth. "I've been made to wait twenty-eight minutes."

"Exact change," she snarled, lowering her black sunglasses to give Tony a scalding look.

Tony cursed under his breath and rummaged in his breast pocket to pull out a wad of bills. "How much?"

"Two twenty-five."

Thumbing through the bills, Tony discovered that he only had one hundred dollar bills. "Can you break a one hundred dollar bill?"

"Exact change," she repeated, slapping the plastic box where a few tickets and tokens had accumulated.

Gritting his teeth, Tony turned his attention to the people already seated on the bus. An elderly lady, two school kids, a construction worker, and a young lady in what appeared to be a maid costume. "Could somebody please help me out here?" He solicited politely.

"Screw you, Bill Gates!" One of the school kids yelled, slapping his friend on the arm at his hilarious joke, at which only he laughed.

"Hurry the hell up," the elderly lady bellowed. "I need to get back home in time for my soap opera!"

Tony was astounded at the behavior of the rude kids and the near-hysterical elderly lady that would have had his own grandmother turning in her grave. He didn't particularly like the way that the construction worker was eyeing him either.

"Look, I don't have change," he protested, waving his large bills at the angry bus driver.

Displaying her total lack of understanding and patience, she snatched one of the bills and jammed it into the fare box, from which it would never return. "Now, get in your seat!" She pulled away from the curb again without signaling, causing an oncoming car to blow the horn at her. She responded with a swift raising of her middle finger and the shaking of her head.

Tony stood there, debating over whether or not he should try and retrieve his money. "Excuse me, you seem to have forgotten my change."

"If you don't get your ass behind the white line, I'll stop this bus and throw you back onto the side of the street," she threatened.

"Alright then, Annie," Tony spat back, reading off the name of her badge in disgust. "Don't think that this is over. When you find yourself without a job tomorrow, you'll have nobody to blame but yourself and your poor customer service attitude."

"Kiss my ass."

"Ugh! Not on your life!"

Tony stormed halfway through the bus, nearly losing his balance when the bus tipped back and forth, rattling down a hill at high speed. He barely managed to slide into a two-seater by the window before the bus swung wildly to the right, clipping a mailbox on the sidewalk as it turned down a larger street. It then began to pick up speed, going faster and faster… until it came to a screeching halt in front of a bus stop filled with people. Everyone on the bus was thrown forward when the driver suddenly threw on the brakes.

"There is a speed limit," Tony shouted at Annie, not realizing that he was hardly the person to be lecturing people about following traffic rules.

More people began to pile onto the bus, and then it was off again.

Tony knew that he would not be able to get any work done in such an environment so he tried to calm himself down by enjoying the scenery outside the window. Yes, the miserable faces of pedestrians on the sidewalks and road-raging drivers threatening each other from rolled down windows really made for some pleasant scenery. Tony pried his eyes away from the window and jerked away from the huffy face of a little boy who had appeared out of nowhere.

The little boy was hanging over the back of his seat, staring at Tony as if he were an insect that needed poking.

Children really weren't Tony's _thing. _He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, hoping that the boy would turn back around in his seat. After a few minutes, Tony looked up again and gave a cry of dismay. On the front of his briefcase were the colorful scribbles of a child's crayons. He glared furiously at the child who waved at him and smirked.

"Why, you little shit!" Tony slammed his hands on the seat in front of him and glanced to his left to make eye contact with the boy's irresponsible mother. "Madam! Your child just damaged my two thousand dollar briefcase!" He glared back at the boy who showed the faintest amusement at his outburst.

"So buy a new one! You should've been watching it." She urged her son to sit down properly in his seat and gave Tony a condescending stare before returning her attention to the smutty romance novel that she'd been reading.

Tony sat there, fuming, fighting the desperate urge to reach over and throttle the little brat. Or at least to slap the mother senseless. But no, super heroes did not hurt civilians. No matter how rude or inconsiderate those civilians happened to be, he could not raise his hand against them.

"Hey, looks like you're having a bad day." The construction worker, who had been sitting at the back of the bus, made himself comfortable in the seat beside Tony. "Don't let them get to you. You meet new assholes every day on this route."

Relaxing a little, Tony offered the rather bulky man an exasperated smile. "Thanks. This is my first time riding a bus."

"Really?" The man looked at Tony in disbelief. "How do you usually get around?"

Thinking it best not to brag, Tony simply said, "I have my own car."

"I'm Greg. What's your name?"

Tony took the man's hand in a firm handshake. "Tony."

"Where are you heading, Tony?" Greg shifted in his seat to stretch out his long legs.

"Stark Industries. And you?"

"What a coincidence! Me too!" Greg grinned and slapped a hand on Tony's thigh. "We can stop off for a bite to eat together since we're both going there."

"Um…" Tony's eyebrow twitched as Greg's large meaty hand began to creep up his thigh. "I don't recall hiring any construction workers this week."

"So you work for Human Resources then?"

"Something like that… uh… Greg, would you mind removing your hand? This is kind of giving me the wrong impression of you."

Greg responded by leaning against Tony to press him up against the window. "I can't wait for the McDonald's washroom," he complained, reaching for Tony's belt.

"Like hell!" Tony grabbed Greg by the wrist and twisted his arm behind his back, forcing him to double over on the seat with a grunt of pain. And then, Tony was clambering over him, rushing for the front doors. "Annie, let me off here!"

"I'm not allowed to let passengers off between stops," she said in a dull tone, indicating that she probably repeated this sentence quite often.

"This – is – an – emergency!" Tony persisted, gulping nervously when Greg got up from his seat and began to stalk after Tony with a hungry look in his eye. "Let me off!"

"You no for good troublemaker!" The eldery lady was faster than Greg, hopping down off of her seat and rushing up to Tony in an angry blur of paisley cotton, clutching her oversized handbag in both hands. Before Tony had a chance to react, she began to beat him with the handbag, hard enough to cause bruises.

"Ouch! What the hell do you have in there?!" Tony deflected the blows with his briefcase, venturing past the white line.

"I won't be missing my soap opera for the likes of you," the elderly lady shouted, reaching into her bag to pull out an aerosol can.

"If you're getting off here, so am I," Greg piped up, watching the old lady cock the can of mace, aiming it at Tony.

"No weapons on the bus!" Annie growled. "You can all get off!" Slamming on the brakes, she threw open the front door, gesturing for everyone to get off. "Forget it! I quit! I've taken enough of this bullshit for the past two weeks."

Tony practically flew down the steps leading to the road, not bothering with the oncoming traffic, he darted over to the sidewalk. Annie hadn't had the decency to pull up to the curb in her hasty need to stop so Tony found himself dodging cyclists and motor vehicles as he tore down the street. He didn't know if the pounding footsteps giving chase belonged to Greg or the nasty old granny from hell.

Pulling out his cell phone, Tony dialed and shouted into the receiver. "Pepper, you've GOT to help me! An old lady is out to get me, and a really big macho man is after my ass."

[Really?]

Was it his imagination or did Pepper sound like she was getting a good laugh at Tony's expense?

"Please DO something! Before I wind up in the hospital or with my pants around my ankles."

[There's a pretty picture for framing.] Pepper laughed on the other end and then became pleasantly professional again. [I didn't think that you would be able to make it to work on your own so I retrieved one of your helicopters and tracked you down. Look up.]

Tony did so, murmuring a, "Thank God!" as he watched Pepper lower it down into the middle of the main road, successfully obstructing the busy traffic in both directions. As he ran up to her, Pepper leaned out of the helicopter with a nasty looking electric gun in one hand.

"Back off, lady!" Pepper warned the elderly woman before yelling at the construction worker who was close enough to Tony to grope at his ass. "Hands off my boss!"

Launching himself into the helicopter, Tony gave Pepper permission to take off, watching Greg and psycho-granny shrink into little dots on the road as they ascended to a safer altitude. "Pepper, am I ever glad to see you!"

"I can imagine. Now that you know what's it like to take public transit, maybe you won't be so stingy with my expenses and pay for my car installments next month so I won't be subjected to the same nightmare."

"Anything you want is yours. Let's just never speak of the bus again." Tony lay on the floor of the helicopter, clutching his graffiti-decorated briefcase to his chest and moaned from the trauma.

~ The End ~


End file.
